I'm back to Ego Tripping

Seattle is so incompetent! Yeah, I know that I live in Alabama, home of slumlords and crooked politicians. But Seattle is no better in that regard.

But I'll tell you what Alabama doesn't do, we don't build a double decker highway and not fix it when its about to fall and kill a bazillion people.

And the only people who say they love all of your rain are liars and emos. And most of the emos are liars. I can tell, because EVERYONE makes a huge deal about the few days a year that the sun actually shines and remarks on how pretty it is, stating that they must have the best sun ever. Guess what, we have the best skies you will ever see, like 90% of the year. And when it does rain here, it really rains, thunderstorms, tropical storms, hurricanes, and my personal favorite, summer showers. Yep, a warm summer day with the sun shining and raining at the same time. Its like weather specifically designed to mock you, saying "look we can do what you are famous for and what we are famous for AT THE SAME TIME."

And if I wanted that "Big City" feel, I could live in Birmingham. Birmingham has the history that Seattle will NEVER have, and it is in the foot hills of the mountains. Topographically Birmingham is very similar to Seattle, only Birmingham is actually pretty instead of just dirty.

Thats right Seattle, you are dirty. You look like fish bones and smell just about the same. Your buses are gross, your sidewalks unkempt, your skies gray. I just want to take some windex to you, I want to clean you up.

And capital hill? Really? Come on, tolerance is one thing, but you take it too far.

Prepare yourself for war! For I am coming, and I bring with me the might of the South! Too long have you poisoned this country. I shall fight you with courtesy, honour, and manners. I shall look everyone in the eye, I shall smile and tip my hat as I walk past a lady, I will hold doors! My people created gorilla warfare and I shall be continuing that tradition. Maybe I alone can't change you. But I will affect others, they will follow my lead. I will make Seattle sincere and polite.

You may be the Emerald City, but I'm hard as Diamond, and it will take more than Ruby Slippers to stop me.